Overworked
It was another day at the pie shop where Mrs. Nellie Lovett worked her day below the barber shop. After this day where customers flooded her pie shop from dawn to late at night, she decided to relax. As she lie down on her bed, she realized that Mr. Todd had a busy day too, meaning that her basement was filled with corpses. Sighing, she got up and went down the many stairs to the cellar. Mrs.Lovett looked down at the pile of bodies on the floor. She moaned, thinking of all that grinding she had to do. She picked up a corpse, it's coldness chilling her to the bone. Why she suggested she bake Mr. T's victims into her pies she had no idea whatsoever, but, to her benefit, she DID get money regularly now... Forgetting this thought completely, she remembered Sweeney's shirts. Over on the table next to the chute where Mr. T's victims came flying down, she spotted his laundry basket filled with bloody shirts. What an idea, offerring meself to do his laundry... she thought. It was such hard work every night, and she wasn't as young as she used to be, so she wasn't really up to the work anymore.
"You know what, I'm not doing 'is laundry tonight. I'm realaxing after all of this terrible work.", Mrs.Lovett thought out loud.
Feeling extremely exausted, she struggled up the stairs. Suddenly, her legs gave way. Quickly grabbing onto the stair railing, she saved herself from falling down the stairs. Mrs.Lovett was afraid of going any further, believing her legs wouldn't be up to the task. Then, a billiant idea hit her. What if I moan loudly enough for those upstairs to hear me? Maybe Mr. T would come for me... Then realizing that Mr. T could care less about her, she abandoned the idea. But, still being a bit hopeful, she moaned once. Surprisingly, she heard footsteps upstairs. They were coming slowly, making Mrs.Lovett's heart give a leap. Mr. Todd walked just like that. She saw the staircase door open a bit, and heard somebody calling her.
"Mrs.Lovett? Is that you down there? What happened to you?", he added as he saw her laying on the steps of the stairs. A bit embarrassed, she tried to get herself into a more presentable position, but failed miserably. She lifted her head, well, tried at least, but ended up dropping it, too weak to hold it up.
"Me legs gave out halfway up the stairs, thanks to your work you have me do every night.", Mrs.Lovett snapped.
"I thought you would be greatful for the meat I supply for you every night. I mean, like you said, "Times is hard".", Sweeney smiled nastily.
"Jus' bring me to me bed.", Mrs.Lovett ordered.
"Not until you say the magic words!", Sweeney said in a mocking sing-song voice.
"Just do it...", Mrs.Lovett sighed. Sweeney picked her up off the stairs and carried her to her room, where, when he layed Mrs.Lovett on her pillows, she fell asleep right away. He looked her over, confused by the way she spoke to him. Usually, she did anything to win him over. Tonight, though, she was a bit snippy. Something HAD to be wrong with her is she wasn't being flirty. He felt her forehead. Mrs.Lovett was a bit warmer than usual. Sweeney hoped that some rest would have her better in the morning. If not, then he would have to find another way to dispose of his victims. Who would he trust with sharing his deeds with? Nobody but Mrs.Lovett. She had to get better. She HAD to. Mr. Todd leaned over and kissed Mrs.Lovett on her forehead. When he did, she subconsiously smiled. He smiled too. Maybe she WAS worth something in his life. Just maybe...







Devious Comments
Nice beginning! If you'd add some enters and spaces (Mrs. Lovett instead of Msr.Lovett) it would be easier to read, though.
Except from that, I like it! I hope there'll be a second chapter
--
Resistance is futile
--
Sweeney: How about a shave?
Mrs. Lovett: Mr. T, you know I can't have a "shave"! We got pies ta make!
Sweeney:...We?
Mrs. Lovett: *sigh* Me...
--
"Sweeney's, waiting, I want you readers"
[link]
And indeed, it's always nice to see improvements
--
Resistance is futile
--
Sweeney: How about a shave?
Mrs. Lovett: Mr. T, you know I can't have a "shave"! We got pies ta make!
Sweeney:...We?
Mrs. Lovett: *sigh* Me...
--
"Sweeney's, waiting, I want you readers"
[link]
Well, the entire English language is my weakness, but luckily paragraphs and things like that are the same in Dutch, so I can help you with that if you'd like to. Just let me know when it's done, then I'll read it and give you my opinion, if you don't mind
--
Resistance is futile
--
Sweeney: How about a shave?
Mrs. Lovett: Mr. T, you know I can't have a "shave"! We got pies ta make!
Sweeney:...We?
Mrs. Lovett: *sigh* Me...
--
"Sweeney's, waiting, I want you readers"
[link]
Luckily I have a great beta reader now who takes care of my grammar errors.
I recognize the 'busy' part
--
Resistance is futile
--
Sweeney: How about a shave?
Mrs. Lovett: Mr. T, you know I can't have a "shave"! We got pies ta make!
Sweeney:...We?
Mrs. Lovett: *sigh* Me...
--
"Sweeney's, waiting, I want you readers"
[link]
I'm gonna read the new chapter
--
Resistance is futile
--
Sweeney: How about a shave?
Mrs. Lovett: Mr. T, you know I can't have a "shave"! We got pies ta make!
Sweeney:...We?
Mrs. Lovett: *sigh* Me...
--
"Sweeney's, waiting, I want you readers"
[link]
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